Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
