There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
