a queef is a wish your heart makes.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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