He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
we're so committed to being not committed
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
