dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
