sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
