This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
