i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
