I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
