The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
