Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
