ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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