we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
