I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
