i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
