haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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