He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
