He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
