Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
