'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
