you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
