oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
