i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
