last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
