Where are you?
In a non slutty way
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
