I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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