hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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