It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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