So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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