I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
