im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Four minutes until I can fart!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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