we're blogging at a bar
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
