So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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