Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
