Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
