just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
