Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
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