I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
the day after is always just damage control
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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