Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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