How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
