Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
