how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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