I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
