hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
