Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
