He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
