I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
