That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
