Screwed.edu
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
