party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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