Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
