so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
