As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
