4 words: hood of his car
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize