is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
