i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
