Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
