my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
